Footprints
by various crimes
Summary: How Peter betrayed his friends.    This is the place where I'm keeping all my HP short stories and most will have references to SiriusXRemus because I love them! There will be angst,humor,sadness,whatever strikes my fancy at the time of writing.
1. Footprints

Footprints

_I still don't know why they let me hangout with them. I mean they're each cool and unique and I just don't fit in. I try though, sometimes I think I am one of them, when they laugh at something I've said or when James slaps me on the back and exclaims, "Now that's actually not a bad idea!" but am I really one of his mates or just a "tag along"? I don't know anymore. _

####

Everything started on my very first train ride to Hogwarts. I don't remember ever being more nervous than I had been on that day, looking for somewhere to sit. I slid open a random door hoping the room would be empty but then I saw that it was not, a boy sat with his legs stretched across the whole seat. He must be saving it for somebody, I thought. I nearly turned to go when I heard my mother's voice in my mind, "Everything will be all right if you be nice and try to make friends." Easier said than done.

"Um, can I sit here?" I finally blurted out, looking at the boy's shoes. They moved, and the boy was sitting normally with his feet on the floor, "Sure, no problem." He said. I smiled and immediately began struggling with my bag as I attempted to force the bag to go in the overhead compartment.

"Do you need help there?"

"No, no I can manage." I answered hastily.

"You sure?"

"Yes." I panted as the bag at last slid in and I was able to sit down across from him.

"So what's your name?" I finally asked as casually as I could, usually I didn't initiate conversations.

"Potter." He cocked one eyebrow and crossed his arms, "James Potter."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Peter Pettigrew," I stammered holding out my hand. He took it and shook firmly then sighed,

"You haven't seen any Bond films have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then, well, never mind." He murmured and then he pulled out a magazine from the bag at his feet, a Quidditch magazine where wizards were flying around on broomsticks on the cover, I gasped. He noticed and grinned. "I got this today isn't it great!"

I nodded in agreement and he quickly came to sit by me so we could both share the magazine. He pointed out the top players and told me information about different teams; I couldn't believe how much he already knew!

Suddenly the door burst open and a person with long dark hair threw himself in, "Hide me!" He begged, with his back to us while he closed the door and crouched down. We watched quietly as the sound of feet went rushing by and he let out a breath.  
>"Those witches were trying to kill me." The boy explained standing up and brushing hair out of his eyes. I'd never seen a boy with such long hair before but somehow it suited him.<p>

"Mind if I join you all, my compartment . . . is no longer safe." He sat in the opposite seat, neither of us had said anything and he just sat. James smiled.

"Don't worry, we don't bite, do we Peter?"

"No." I answered.

"I'm Sirius." I noted the lack of a last name but James didn't seem to mind.

"James." He responded and they both looked at me.

"Peter."

"So, are you all here because you want to be or did mommy send you?" Sirius drawled.

"What kind of a question is that?" James asked.

"My kind of question." He retorted.

"Of course I want to be here, I've been wanting to go to Hogwarts since forever!"

"Me too." I supplied, I wasn't actually too thrilled with the idea of boarding school but I wanted to try sounding positive.

"I don't, but then again getting away from my parents is always a good thing." Sirius mused.

"Do you have room for one more?" The door had opened again revealing a boy with light brown hair and dark brown eyes a bit like hot chocolate fudge, my stomach growled loudly.

Sirius glanced up, "Yeah, make yourself at home." He said good-naturedly.

The last boy seemed kind of shy, like me, I was relieved and I stupidly waved at him. Surprisingly he waved back . . . maybe making new friends wouldn't be so hard after all I happily concluded looking around at everyone.

The train took off and James began talking again with boyish wonder and glee, which soon rubbed off on Sirius and Remus, and even me.

####

At that time it seemed like the beginning of something great and it was . . . to an extent. However slowly things began to change. There's only so many fat jokes one can take before you start wanting to curse something or Sirius, mainly Sirius. Everyday he would come up with a new name for me. Tubby, Chubby Cheeks, Troll Face, Pudge Ball, Butterbelly, Fatty Ratty and so many others. I laughed because it was expected of me, but it really wasn't funny at all.

James pulled me aside; he was the only one who could tell when I was upset or moody.

"Sirius doesn't mean anything by it, you know." He began, wrapping an arm over my shoulder and leading me toward our next class.

"I know." I said softly looking down at the floor, I could not see my toes over my own stomach and I frowned.

"He just has a funny way of showing affection, he really does care about you, about all of us marauders." He continued as if I never interrupted.

"All right. All right." I sighed, shaking off his arm and presenting him with a weak smile. I would try not to get angry with Sirius. Even if I was a little mad at him and James too for that matter. Of course James would side with him, he loved Sirius almost as much as Sirius loved Remus!

Yes, it's true, Sirius and Remus began dating in third year and to be frank it kind of grossed me out at first. Two guys holding hands and giving each other looks, and stuff- nearly made me lose my lunch. After awhile I got used to it and it didn't bother me. I think what frightened me the most when I found out about them was what would it do to our friendship? It could change everything, we were all like family, like brothers, and then I happened to see them kissing and it felt like an explosion had gone off, as if a million cauldrons had just exploded and deadly green goo was spreading everywhere and we were all going to die. I ran to find James. He already knew. Of course I was the last one to know, as always.

####

I hate my life. It's my second to last year at Hogwarts School, and I wish it were my last. How am I supposed to feel when I just realized that I have no friends and that I never did? Here I am writing in my journal in the freaking infirmary since I spent the entirety of last night and this morning puking my guts out. Yesterday afternoon, well before dinner, I went to the infirmary because I was feeling a little under the weather, only as soon as I got there I had to ask to use the loo or else I would have vomited all over the floor. I made it to a toilet just in time. Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, came in to check on me from time to time and even she grew concerned at the number of times I had to spew. After a while she asked if I would like to owl my parents then later she told me that if I did not stop in a few more hours that she would take me to St. Mungo's Hospital. I didn't want to go. I didn't want my mum to know either; she worries enough as it is. That's why when Madam Pomfrey came in to check on me again, I was standing on my feet near the toilet. She smiled at me and seemed to think I was doing well enough. As soon as she left I sank to my knees, gripping the sides of the toilet and waited for another wave of sickness.

I woke up in a bed, I don't know how I managed to walk from the bathroom to a bed, but I made it. My mouth tasted awful and I was covered in sweat, but at least I didn't feel like throwing up anymore. I smiled and looked around the empty room, at my book bag slumped on the neighboring bed, at the sunlight coming through the windows, and how no one, not even the nurse was around. Not one person had come to visit me. Not Remus, not Sirius, not James. They knew exactly where I was! If Sirius were in the infirmary Remus and James would have sneaked in under the invisibility cloak, I no longer could fit under it with them. If James were in the infirmary we wouldn't even bother with the cloak we would all be too busy breaking down the doors or flying in through the windows. And Remus has been in the infirmary enough times to know that we would all get in to see him somehow. But with me, no one cared.

####

It's my last year at Hogwarts and I am quite pleased with myself. I've made more friends so I no longer rely as heavily on James. Which is a good thing too since he has found his "soulmate" in Lily Evans and has less and less time for us. I hate Lily, I really do. I don't know what he sees in her. She's stuck up and rude especially when he asks her out and she just turns him down as if he were worse than bubotuber pus. She's conceited and bossy and I don't care how beautiful James thinks she is or how kind Remus thinks she is or how fun Sirius thinks she is, she will never be one of us. I wish she would drop dead and give us all some peace.

####

Remember when I said I've made some new friends? One is Severus Snape (of all people) who has actually been extremely helpful with meeting even more people . . . but I'm starting to get scared. Everyone's been whispering about someone and dark things and Severus showed me his tattoo . . . will I have to get one too? What else will I have to do?

####

James Potter is dead. I didn't mean for it to happen! I even asked the Dark Lord about his plans and he told me he was only after the child of prophecy, no one else mattered. I was so grateful and relieved. I didn't care about the baby one way or another and I didn't care about Lily. . . all that much. . . but James. This wasn't supposed to happen. Poor, brave, James. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. The marauders are finished.

* * *

><p>AN: I wrote this because there are so many stories where Peter is neglected or not mentioned at all. . . in one of my own stories too! lol I just wanted to try to see things through his eyes. Also the views and opinions of this Peter do not match my own I love Lily and the rest~<p> 


	2. Love Teachers

**AN:** Absolutely no angst in this one! Plus there is an abundance of puppy love. Be prepared for fluff~!

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><p>Love Teachers<p>

Remus Lupin knew everything. He knew when every class started, where they were held, and who was teaching. He could point out nearly every room in Hogwarts school without the use of _the_ map, and he also knew when was the best time to sneak into the kitchens, teachers offices, or girl's dormitories, though he would never tell his friends that. Maybe the kitchens, that's all. However, one horrible moment led him to believe that maybe, there were some things that he still (desperately) needed to learn, and the library could not help him. He had nearly resigned himself to simply asking Lily when Sirius appeared with his own misfortunes.

"Remus you know how much I love you right?" He spoke rapidly.

"What do you want Sirius?" for whenever Sirius started a sentence like that there was always a catch. Usually it meant that Sirius had already done something foolish, like when he turned Remus' pillow into a baby alligator and left it on his bed, but in this case he could tell by the tone of his voice that Sirius was hinting at something else.

"I humbly request to become your student as of today!" He exclaimed.

"Student, of what? What am I supposed to be teaching you?" Remus inquired with some trepidation, for he feared that he might not be able to say no.

"How to win over a fair lady's heart." Remus snorted.

"Ha-ha, very funny Pads, way to rub my nose in it."

"I'm not joking Moony and furthermore I have no idea what you're grumbling about."

"You are asking me for dating advice. That in and of itself is preposterous, and I thought you were trying to mock me for being . . . dumped."

"Did you just say dumped? As in someone broke up with you?" He grabbed Remus by the shoulders and then started shaking him lightly, "Gods man I didn't even know you were dating!"

"I _was_." Remus mumbled and looked up at Sirius. "I guess you don't want me as your teacher anymore right?"

"No, I still do," Sirius, said thoughtfully, "I mean I did even when I thought you were . . . single so my request still stands. Will you, boy miracle worker among women, help me, Sirius Black, to get a girl?"

"You've already had-" Sirius slapped a hand over Remus' mouth,

"I don't want just any girl I want someone . . . who's interesting, clever, and who cares about more things than just . . . you know."

"Ah." Remus replied nodding. Sirius let him go smiling like a mad man.

"Is that a yes you'll be my teacher?"

"No, I'm still thinking."

"Come on Moony please?" He begged then he dropped on his knees and grabbed Remus's hands. " Please, Please I'll do anything . . . I'll lick your shoes!"

"Eww gross no don't" Remus hastily stopped him, but Sirius still had not released his hands and he could see that Sirius was scrambling for an idea to convince Remus.

"All right, on one condition."

"What?"

"You teach me how to . . . how to keep a woman."

"Really?" Sirius stood up and brushed off his knees; the stone floor had been mildly uncomfortable.

"Yes I'll help you if you help me, have we got a deal?" Remus questioned holding out his own hand.

"Absolutely." They shook on it.

~S~

"Lesson number one: The bedroom." Both Sirius and Remus were currently standing in their own dorm room sans their fellow roommates, Peter and James.

"Really Padfoot, you don't think we're moving too fast?" Remus asked in a fake seductive voice, he punctuated his words by leaning back on his bed and patting the spot next to him before bursting out laughing.

"Do you want a girl or not?" Sirius huffed looking a tad miffed.

"Yes yes, proceed." Remus held back a yawn and watched Sirius mentally prepare.

"All right imagine I'm a girl-" Remus chuckled again, "Imagine." He said sharply, "and we are about to engage in sexual acts, are you with me so far?"

"Yes Sirius."

"All right look at me as you would her."

"Excuse me?"

"I've just taken off all my clothes how will you look at me?" Sirius gestured toward his fully covered up body.

"Um . . . I am looking at you."

"Yeah like you think I'm loony, Jesus Moony I thought you'd be easier to teach."

"Okay okay I'm sorry." He shook his head then tried to gaze at Sirius as if he were a beautiful naked girl. He scanned down to his chest, but there was no way he could steer his thoughts to a female. He knew Sirius was all man and there was just no way around it, but he did have a nice chest. Very muscular even though he did not have the broad shoulders of Goyle and his waist was rather average not too trim nor too wide and his crotch, it's hard to tell through the pants but-

"Good job Remus, but remember eye contact is very important as well." Sirius grinned with his hands on his hips, "Perhaps you won't fail yet!" Remus swallowed and looked away.

"R-right." He mumbled.

"Now let's try it again Moony!" He wasn't sure if he wanted to, what if secretly Sirius was laughing at him?

"You'll look for any excuse to get people to check you out won't you?" He said with much less venom than he had intended.

"You caught me Moon, now try again we haven't got all day."

Moony returned to studying him and then Sirius nearly shouted,

"No, no no that's not it."

"What isn't it?"

"Look at me like . . ." He paused with a finger on his chin, "Like I just destroyed the moon."

"You really are insane."

He just raised his brows and waved his hand, "Again!"

~R~

"Okay Padfoot, if you were going to get your girlfriend a present for your first date, what would it be?"

"Um." He looked down at himself then back up at Remus with a knowing smirk.

"Please don't tell me, 'Me'. " Remus moaned putting his face in his hands.

"Well what more could a girl want?" Sirius said twirling his wand and making the quill on the professor's desk spin around in its stand.

"Can you please pay attention?"

"I am, but did we have to have our lesson in a classroom? Really Moony it's so boring."

"You do it your way, I do it mine." He spun and walked to the chalkboard.

"Here is a list of things that a girl might like, are you taking notes?" He queried looking back over his shoulder. Sirius had half a mind to leave, just for the heck of it.

"I don't have to, my memory's good enough." Sirius said leaning back in his chair but willingly acting like a model student.

"You could owl her a letter beforehand asking her on the date that way, or make it a simple love letter." Remus explained writing fluidly on the board, truthfully he enjoyed writing on the board even if it wasn't entirely necessary. "Or you could buy her flowers, chocolates, some form of jewelry, or the like."

"But that's so muggle!" Sirius exclaimed stretching his arms and rolling his head around to ease the muscles in his neck as well.

"Sometimes simple is better Sirius, especially if you are trying to attract a more . . . traditional girl." Remus did not want to say old-fashioned; it didn't sit well with him.

"Go on." Sirius commanded smiling slowly at the way Remus was writing all over the board, it reminded him of a little kid drawing squiggles on the wall. He remembered when he had done that exact thing at his own house and his mother had nearly hexed his hand off . . . it wasn't a very good memory upon reflection.

"And another thing you must not set off dungbombs in school just so you can get a girl alone with you in the classroom." Sirius blinked, how did Remus get to that topic all of a sudden? "Understand?" Remus turned and dusted the chalk off his fingertips on his khaki pants.

Sirius just nodded and kept his mouth shut.

~S~

"Are you ready for lesson two?" Sirius said in all seriousness. "I think you've got the basics but we're going to have to take it up a notch since you're such a novice."

"What exactly do you mean?"

"I'm more of a show than a tell kind of guy." Sirius said mysteriously as he advanced on Remus and pushed him down on the nearest bed, which happened to belong to James.

"I figure I'll show you some tricks and then you can practice on me."

"Padfoot I don't like where this is going." Remus said getting nervous, hot, and more than a little embarrassed.

"Trust me, once you learn this the girls will be begging _you_ never to leave them."

Sirius reached down and softly stroked Remus's hair then delicately tucked wisps behind his ear, "women like to know that they are treasured, so don't be afraid to touch them even in little ways like this," Sirius nearly whispered. "In fact you should try not to show fear in the bedroom, because more often than not, it makes them nervous."

"Okay." Remus replied doing his best not to show Sirius how freaked out he was at that very moment.

"Can you guys move it elsewhere, some of us would like to sleep in a clean bed thanks." James said slamming the door behind him with his foot. He eyed his two friends very suspiciously.

Sirius rolled off a petrified Remus, who was frozen in place.

"What brings you here Prongs?" Sirius asked completely calm.

"Slughorn let me out of detention early, did I miss anything?" He turned giving Remus a bemused expression.

"Uh-um now look James, Sirius was just-"

"About to show you the best time of your life." Sirius said laughing and jumping back on top of Remus,

"Get off Padfoot, I mean it let go of me!"

"Nope!" Sirius trilled hugging him.

"Padfoot I'm warning you-"

"This is the only way to get Prongs off our tails." He hissed in his ear.

Remus let out a forced laugh and hugged Sirius back wantonly.

"Oh Padfoot, I cannot live without you!" he said breathlessly. James laughed then held up his hands.

"All right you guys you've had your fun, now could you please get off my bed?" They both jumped obediently away and bounded out the door. James smiled after them,

"Bloody idiots."

~R~

"How many times do I have to tell you Padfoot, it's called being a gentleman. You should be fine with planning things in advance, you're the one who told me that they like to feel 'treasured' so why can't you organize a single nice outing?"

"There's just so much involved, a movie or dinner or both or somewhere else entirely, usually it's so much easier. Broom closet? Okay."

"That's sad, that really is."

"Fine I yield." Sirius mussed his hair as if he were getting a headache. "I would send her a letter informing her of where we are going to meet, of course I would have talked to her in advance about what types of things she likes or locations that she is interested in."

"Much better." Remus beamed.

Sirius smiled wide and became even more enthusiastic after garnering Remus's positive reaction. "Well take you for instance, I would take you out to Hogsmeade so that we could go to Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks. With James . . . maybe I'd buy us tickets to a big Qudditch match he would love that! And Peter . . . hmmm . . . I think I'd take him to the Hogshead, he's a really funny drunk."

"All right Padfoot that's enough for today, but I would advise you not to get your date drunk, it's uncouth."

"Yes sir." Sirius said happily.

~S~R~S~

Remus found himself tangled in Sirius's sheets the next morning. Somehow they had ended up engaging in sexual actions more than once! He couldn't just write it off then. He looked down at Sirius who had his hair in his face and was snoring gently. How could he have let this happen? What had they been thinking?

Sirius woke up to the feeling of being watched, he could almost always sense when someone was watching him. He slowly opened his eyes to face his friend/lover. He had a dark feeling in the pit of his stomach, something close to dread.

"Moony, are you angry?" He asked, all form of bravery vanishing in an instant.

"No." Remus said slowly, "I just don't know what to do." He looked lost.

"If it's upsetting you, we can pretend it never happened-"

"Is that what you want?" Remus asked hurt.

"I just want you to be happy and okay." Sirius murmured.

"A real gentleman at last." Remus smiled, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Forgive me?" Sirius pleaded.

"It's not your fault, it's both of ours, now we have to figure out how to move on from here."

"Remus I think it's obvious where this is going." He took his hand and kissed his fingers. They stared into each others eyes without speaking.

~J~

"So, did you plan this Padfoot?" James asked gesturing to how Remus was never too far from where Sirius was. At the moment he was skipping rocks across the lake with Peter, but every once in a while he would glance over at Sirius and they shared ridiculous smiles.

"Believe it or not James it just sort of happened."

"I'm so glad you guys figured it out so I didn't have to say anything."

"What!"

"Come on Padfoot, you've been mooning over him for years, you were just too busy trying to find your mate in the wrong sort."

"That really would have been helpful ages ago."

"Anytime Pads, anytime." He slapped him on the shoulder and went to join Peter and Remus.

~S~

Sirius Black knew a lot of things. He knew how to get out of lengthy detentions with Professor McGonagall; he knew how to get Rosemerta to give them all drinks on the house. He also had the best blackmail on James Potter and once offered to sell it to Lily for fifty galleons, which she very nearly accepted. However, there were some things that Sirius did not know and he was just about to give in and simply ask Lily, when Remus appeared.


	3. Lily Potter and the Doomed Child

Author's Note: This drabble was written in honor of Moontide's birthday who is a big fan of James/Lily. This is a quick look into the friendship between Lily and Sirius and is inspired by Remus's reaction to his own baby news. Please Enjoy this short fic!

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><p>Lily Potter and the Doomed Child<p>

"I can't do this. I really can't do this. Me? I hate kids. They're loud and smelly and annoying as anything, and let's not forget pure evil. Sirius what should I do? What did you do?"

"Contrary to popular belief Lils, I have never been pregnant."

"I mean . . . how did you . . . how did you convince your girlfriends to get rid of them?"

Sirius stared. Lily looked down and bit the inside of her cheek until it bled, maybe she had said too much.

"Uh, I think you are under a misunderstanding I have never told anyone to get an abortion, because I have never had to." He said with a frown.

"I- I'm sorry it's just that I heard-"

"It's best that you do not believe rumors they tend to be largely untrue."

"But what should I do? James is . . .. so happy." She sat heavily in an old blue sofa in Sirius's apartment. He came over and knelt in front of her lightly holding her hands, which had begun shaking.

"Tell me what's wrong." He murmured gently while giving her hands a reassuring squeeze.

"I- I told you, I hate children, how can I be a mother when I feel this way?" Sirius let go standing up and chuckling quietly. Lily watched him close to indignation.

"You hated James too." He said with his back turned while he pulled up another chair. "And now look at you." He said after being seated, he held out his hand gesturing toward her. "Mrs. Lily James Potter." He smiled. She clenched her hands into fists on her lap.

"This isn't funny." She stated eyes darkening to a pond-like green.

"I don't know what you want from me, this is really something you should be discussing with James."

"He wouldn't understand, he is thrilled to death that I am having his baby, he thinks that I am too. He would never even consider . . . killing it."

"Ah."

"That's it? That's all you have to say!" Lily said voice rising. "I'm this close to doing something awful and you just sit there like everything's fine! I shouldn't have, but you were the only one I thought I could come to, maybe I was wrong."

"Wait, wait, wait sit back down." Sirius asked as Lily was about to storm out the door. She did as he requested.

"I think you already know what you are going to do." He said placing his fingers together like the roof of a safe house and maintaining a straight face.

"I'm going crazy Sirius, that's the thing, I have no clue what I'm doing anymore."

"You need to calm down and think this through slowly." He said in such a soothing voice that Lily felt her breathing become more measured and the sting fade from behind her eyes.

"Okay." She whispered.


	4. What I Would Give For Love

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had this posted on its own before but decided to move it into this story. Thank you ConradKCat and 'here' for leaving such nice reviews!

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><p>What I Would Give For Love<p>

I don't want to be alone anymore. I can't be alone anymore. I won't be able to survive much longer.

I . . . he would want me to be happy I know it. If I do this for him, it's not so bad; it's not a betrayal. If I try to settle down and start a new life with a family of my own . . .he wouldn't begrudge me that. He couldn't blame me for wanting that.

Anger filled my veins until I could feel it pulsing harshly at my throat and wrists. For a moment I reveled in the feeling. For so long I had worked to keep my anger at bay, I had spent years in pain and sadness. And it seemed that the torture would never end.

I ran my thumb over my inner right wrist where scars ran in every direction. The throbbing cooled down and I could think clearly once more.

After all, at Hogwarts, how many girls had he fucked before he told me that he loved me? How many nights had I spent crying while he made me laugh until my stomach hurt during the day? How could he tell me in excruciating detail just what it felt like when he put his cock in some bint's vagina? I almost broke so many times, I almost cried right in front of him, but I was also so turned on I could hardly move. I would watch his eyes change color, the way his breathing altered during the telling, and how he licked his lips, leaning closer to me. Always leaning closer so no one would hear, no one would see us discussing his most private sexual escapades.

A part of me wondered why he would only tell me such things, so vividly and graphically as well. The answer was always there, as clear as the moon hanging heavily over my head.

*~O~*~O~*~O~*

One night, I knew he was going to tell me about another one of his flings, and I balked I didn't want to hear it anymore.

"Moony?" he whispered, "What's wrong with you, you never had a problem with it before . . ." he bit his lip with a hurt expression.

"You know I don't like it when you talk about that stuff . . . " I mumbled into my pillow.

"Oh I beg to differ my friend." He teased, leaning over me, trapping me with his hands on either side of my body. He bounced shaking the bed, just like a dog would try to get the attention of his master.

'Sirius, I'm not in the mood, why don't you tell James, I'm sure he'd love to hear all about how to please a woman . . . he could even learn something and try it out on Lily." I nearly growled shoving my face deeper into the pillow.

"Moony?" He asked softly, worry lacing through his voice and softening the timbre; "What's the matter . . . you never talk that way about Lily."

"I-I'm just tired, go to sleep Padfoot, I've had a long day."

"Oh okay." He sat up but he didn't leave my bed. I rose to a sitting position as well, sighing angrily, I picked up my wand from my bedside table and cast a lumos spell then a silencing charm around my bed curtains.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about Mr. Black?" I asked, sounding just like the professors that he hated. He frowned and lifted his feet onto the bed, which he knew I hated because he was still wearing his shoes. He hugged his knees to his chest and placed his chin on top of them.

"Remus . . . I have to talk to you."

*~O~*~O~*~O~*

I shook my head and slammed my fist into the dinning room table, the table that belonged to Sirius. I looked at the large indent I made in the surface. Why, why did we have to stay at this house? Couldn't we place the Order's headquarters somewhere else? Sirius was dead! And yet here we all were roaming about his home as if we owned it. As if he never existed. I suddenly had the urge to completely break the table, to break anything, everything the walls . . .it was impossible not to think of him, when every room had his presence seeped into them. Like right now, I could swear that his ghost was watching me . . . smirking and chuckling spitefully . . . because he knew that this thing I had with Tonks wasn't real. It wasn't real love at all. No, no, Sirius wasn't evil like that . . . but I was.

I pulled my wand from inside my coat and repaired the table. Running my fingers mindlessly over the smooth top,

"Remus?" A voice called, "Come to bed, Love." I looked up and saw Nymphadora, no Tonks, standing in the doorway with a worried expression on her face. I wanted to soothe that look, but I also didn't. That was the face that had made me truly see her for the first time; it made me look at her as a potential mate. Her big brown puppy dog eyes were almost . . . I shook my head again and smiled softly at her. She smiled back, and that face was gone. I offered her my hand and led her to our bedroom. She loves me. She _loves_ me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

*~O~*~O~*~O~*

"Moony . . . have you ever liked someone? I mean really liked someone?" His grey eyes shimmered from the faint light produced by my wand.

"No. Well . . . maybe . . . I don't know . . . why are you asking me this?"

"Because I do."

"Y-you do?"

"Uh huh and he's really cute."

"He?" I squeaked.

"Yeah, he's absolutely adorable." Sirius fell forward and began crawling toward me, and on top of me, I think he likes to corner me . . .

"Um Sirius, you-you're getting too close."

"No, this is." And he kissed me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me sideways until I lay in a supine position. I felt his whole weight bearing down on me and I didn't mind, I didn't mind one bit. I tilted my head and opened my mouth for him; I wanted him to taste me, to taste my longing . . . I have waited so many nights for this. As soon as his tongue seemed almost fully inside, I bit down, not too hard but enough to make him jump. He pulled back and looked down at me in surprise.

"Moony?" His voice quavered.

"Do you even know what you are doing, Padfoot?" I asked, before I got lost in him. I could already feel my mouth tingling and my body screaming to just grab him and pull him into another kiss but I had to know if he was serious about me.

"Just who do you think you're talking to?" He joked already noticing my growing need.

"A right whore, if you ask me." I pouted.

"I thought you knew . . . I thought you knew how I felt about you." He whispered. He looked away and his hair covered his face. I immediately reached up and pushed the dark strands aside,

"Look at me." I commanded, "I care deeply about you, but this is just a game for you isn't it?"

"No, Remus, I'm in love with you." He was blushing furiously, and I couldn't help but laugh. "God Moon don't you dare laugh." I tried covering my mouth but my body still shook with silent laughter.

"You just looked so . . . so sweet." I gasped out. He rushed down and pulled me into a crushing hug.

"Pad-foot?"

"Is it okay for me to love you?" His arms tightened and he kept hidden waiting for my response.

"Of course, because I love you too." I solemnly answered. I could feel his smile as he breathed a "Thank you," into my ear.

*~O~*~O~*~O~*

"Remus, what's wrong?" A feminine voice echoed in the black room when my pink haired Tonks noticed that I was shaking. Luckily, I could no longer shed tears.

"Nothing, Love, everything's fine." I replied. I held her hand and brought it to my lips kissing it gently. She rolled her eyes at me but then flashed a grin. I pulled her into a hug and tried to calm my breathing as she wrapped her thin arms around me in return.

"I know you miss him, he was your best friend, but it will be okay, it will be okay." She murmured over and over rubbing my back.

Is it okay for me to love again? My mind begged selfishly. The sound of his voice seemed to come from somewhere deep inside.

Of course, because I love you.


End file.
